i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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