im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
