May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
