She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
