The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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