just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
