tell your sister to shave her snatch
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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