Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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