before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
