I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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