I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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