I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Two words: nipple clamps
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