the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
