the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
