This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
