Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
