I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
