mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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