Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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