My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
