Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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