I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My dad just said "fuck circus"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
