It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need water and some morals
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
