I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
