it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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