So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
