a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
