Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
