words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
