I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
