i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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