I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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