I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
