I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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