I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
