good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
