he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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