Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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