goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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