I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
