Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
