Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
