Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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