Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
