I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
