At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I die, sorry about rent.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
