Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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