The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
