He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I die, sorry about rent.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
