she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
